VICTORIA STATION

Sunday morning and I finally have internet access again!  A month without it felt like an eternity! So much of what I do on a day to day basis is done online and I have felt cut off from everyone and everything.

 

On the evening of December 4 there was a fire in my apartment building which started in the the apartment across the fall from me. That poor man lost everything, including his precious kitty, Dessert. Fortunately, no one was injured and no one else lost any of their personal possessions, including pets. The first floor, which is where I live, suffered smoke damage and everyone has had to vacate the building until it has been renovated. I have the option of moving back to my former apartment and I intend to take that option. That is home to me and even though I am now living out of boxes and will have to do so until I move again, I am willing to do it.

 

My hope is that some semblance of normalcy will return to my life once I am back home again. I desperately crave normalcy right now. The last two months have been difficult to deal with and I so long for a sense of order and calm once again. None of that will ever fill the void that has been left by Martin's passing but it will make it easier to find that place I need to once again feel centered.

 

Police Eyeing Wal-Mart Trample Video

 CBS News Interactive: Eye On The Economy

NEW YORK (CBS) ― Police were reviewing video from surveillance cameras in an attempt to identify who trampled to death a Wal-Mart worker after a crowd of post-Thanksgiving shoppers burst through the doors at a suburban store and knocked him down.

Criminal charges were possible, but identifying individual shoppers in Friday's video may prove difficult, said Detective Lt. Michael Fleming, a Nassau County police spokesman.

Other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and customers stepped over him and became irate when officials said the store was closing because of the death, police and witnesses said.

At least four other people, including a woman who was eight months pregnant, were taken to hospitals for observation or minor injuries. The store in Valley Stream on Long Island closed for several hours before reopening.

Police said about 2,000 people were gathered outside the Wal-Mart doors before its 5 a.m. opening at a mall about 20 miles east of Manhattan. The impatient crowd knocked the employee, identified by police as Jdimytai Damour, to the ground as he opened the doors, leaving a metal portion of the frame crumpled like an accordion.

"This crowd was out of control," Fleming said. He described the scene as "utter chaos," and said the store didn't have enough security.

Dozens of store employees trying to fight their way out to help Damour were also getting trampled by the crowd, Fleming said. Shoppers stepped over the man on the ground and streamed into the store.

Damour, 34, of Queens, was taken to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead around 6 a.m., police said. The exact cause of death has not been determined.

A 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital, where she and the baby were reported to be OK, said police Sgt. Anthony Repalone.

Kimberly Cribbs, who witnessed the stampede, said shoppers were acting like "savages."

"When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling `I've been on line since yesterday morning,"' she said. "They kept shopping."

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., based in Bentonville, Ark., called the incident a "tragic situation" and said the employee came from a temporary agency and was doing maintenance work at the store. It said it tried to prepare for the crowd by adding staffers and outside security workers, putting up barricades and consulting police.

"Despite all of our precautions, this unfortunate event occurred," senior Vice President Hank Mullany said in a statement. "Our thoughts and prayers go out to the families of those impacted."

A woman reported being trampled by overeager customers at a Wal-Mart opening Friday in Farmingdale, about 15 miles east of Valley Stream, Suffolk County police said. She suffered minor injuries, but finished shopping before filling the report, police said.

Shoppers around the country line up early outside stores on the day after Thanksgiving in the annual bargain-hunting ritual known as Black Friday. It got that name because it has historically been the day when stores broke into profitability for the full year.

Items on sale at the Valley Stream Wal-Mart included a Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV for $798, a Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9.

 

(© 2008 CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. The Associated Press contributed to this report.)

Today I happened to visit the blog of a "blogging friend".  I scanned her friends list, as I often do, to see what new and interesting people she may have added to her list. In doing so I discovered that I had been removed from that list. I suppose that is understandable. I have not been a very good blogger for quite some time. In the grand scheme of things it is not important that this person removed me from their list. It is probably understandable. After all, during the last year I have had not had the time, the inclination, the energy, or the heart to blog. Two full time jobs - one outside the home and the other at home - took every bit of physical, emotional, and mental energy I had, and some that I didn't have. I have always joked that I was born tired because I have never been one to be very energetic and I do tire easily but I had no idea, until Martin was diagnosed with ALS, what tired really was. Tired is falling asleep at traffic lights, at your desk at work, in the middle of conversations, while eating. Tired is crying because you don't see how you are going to be able to manage even one more thing before collapsing into bed and immediately falling asleep. Don't think I am patting myself on the back for the wonderful job I did. Far from it. I could never do enough or do it well enough. I should have been better at it, I should have tried harder, I should have given more. Maybe if I had given just a little bit more to everything I would still be on this person's friends list. In the end it just doesn't matter . What matters is the loss of my best friend, the only person in my life who never let me down, who never disappointed me, who was always there for me , and who loved me far better than I deserved.

My Martin passed away early this afternoon. He died peacefully and with no pain. I cannot manage to write more than that right now but I have just lost not only my husband but my very best friend - the very best friend I have ever had - and I miss him desparately.

 

I love you, honey and I know that wherever I go, you are right there with me.